I had at some corner of my heart feeling to contribute my little efforts for the marginalized & as anyone slightly interested in this would do, I wanted to enter to the civil service.
But as they as "Man proposes God disposes". ALmighty possibly had somethign else in mind. I still remember Prof. (___) came to my hostel room early morning of 18th dec, 2005 and we had a good discussion for about 2 hours. At the end he told me to stop preparing for UPSC, i was bit stunned as i had invested 3 years to this and he was asking me to leave even without giving a single trial of exam. In any case he was among most revered Prof's I had at NIT-Surat. So i told him "Sir I am ready to follow your advice but still I am curious to know why you dont want me to give even a try." His reply was possibly true to a greater extent as he understood " Sharda, i dont doubt your efforts or capability of clearing or not clearing the exam, only issue is whatever you intend to do as civil servant u can do by voluntarily. You r softhearted and you wont be able to fight crime and corruption and I fear you might not do what all u dream now". Innocently i asked him do these Voluntary organizations come for placements. He said here they don't , u take placements in any organization from here and then shift to this field in a year or two.
With this, another dimension got added up. Since the feel was soemwhere true to heart, possibly that's why my steps couldn't restrain myself from teaching kids at the Orphanage in baroda on weekends while continuing my Job at GM. As the days passed i realized, i am possibly getting the inner satisfaction of doing something beyond self, but still i was unable to contibute significantly to life of tose kids. Possibly it needs a full time devotion rather than week-end task.
This led me to apply for different ngo's so that i can take social work as a profession, unfortunately none of them called me up even for interview, bit tensed with this i took courage and asked the HR person of one NGO "Why r u not giving a chance for interview-afterwards you can reject me". Their reply was that my socalled profile didnt match with their requirement and i need to change it by going for masters and suggsted IRMA/TISS. Tiss dates were already over by then, fortunately i could apply for IRMA and by God's grace i got admission at this wonderful place (http://shardagautam.blogspot.com/2008/12/why-do-i-love-irma.html)
IRMA had its own deep influence & parents on the other hand didn't want me to join the developemnt world at the cost of socalled career,. Moreso my health trouble also was bothering me at some corner whether i would be able physically able to put some contribution or not.
It seems, this was the first time i got broken down completely and was on the verge of leaving the development thoughts seeign parents firm opposition and my health, But Almighty as always had far better solution which human mind can think of.
The MTS organization, where i m doing MTS, they offered me to join on a project which was a mix of field work & policy development which will not cause much strain to health and on the other hand will enable me to remain in development world. To my utter surprise, parents also don't have any objection (possibly bocz the field rural electrification matches somewhat to my fathers' field of renewable energy :) & to them name winrock doesn't sound like that of NGO for which they don't have high regards :)]
Lets see what future has in store from here. But i am happy that by grace of god, i am still with my dreams of contributing my little efforts to the marginalized & weaker section of the society.
I get reminded of Letter to elder brother Sarat Chandra Bose on September 22, 1920 by Subash Chandra Bose
"You will readily understand my mental condition as I stand on the threshold of what the man-in-the-street would call a promising career.There is much to be said favour of such a service. It solves once for all what is paramount problem for each of us -- the problem of bread and butter.One has not to go face life with risk or uncertainty as to success or failure. But for a man of my temperament who has been feeding on ideas which might be called eccentric -- the line of least resistance is not the best to follow .Life loses half its interest if there is no struggle -- if there are no risks to be taken.The uncertainties of life are not appalling to one who has not , at heart , worldly ambitions. Moreover , it is not possible to serve one's country in the best and fullest manner if one is chained to the Civil Service . In short , national and spiritual aspirations are not compatible with obedience to Civil Service Examinations."
I must say, you are from a rare breed. People like me can only offer high regards to you, and wish you luck.
ReplyDeleteI honestly wish that I were like you, but I am someone from the crowd who is still running after his daily bread, ego satisfaction, and money minting.
Don't know what wrong or right, but all I know is that u r following your own path and I am following the path shown to me by others.
Very well written, especially the Quote from Subhash Chandra Bose. Keep pouring your thoughts.